


Let It Be

by psychotic_fangirl369



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt Jensen Ackles, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Murder-Suicide, Mute Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:51:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9720347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychotic_fangirl369/pseuds/psychotic_fangirl369
Summary: When Jensen was 13 years old, his life changed forever. 8 years later he goes to see his sister in Hope Land Institute in order to complete his mothers dying wish - forgive Mack for killing their brother.What he didn't expect was to meet the beautiful mute boy a few doors down who hasn't spoken a word since he was 6 years old. Their tentative relationship blossoms into an epic romance and soon the secrets of the past and problems of the present are causing Jensen's world to crumble around him. It's time he decides whether to continue living in the horror of the past or embrace the future that seems to be full of the handsome boy from ward B.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy this. xxx

Prologue

It was a sunny day in the middle of June. A normal, boring summers day. My family and I were having a barbeque. My 10-year-old sister was poking marshmallows onto the fire pit. Momma was clearing the table for dessert and dad had stepped inside to take a phone call. My older brother and I went over to join Mack as she stuffed a marshmallow in her mouth and added a new one on her stick, returning it to the fire. She was watching it with fascination. Neither Josh nor I noticed her set her stick on fire. And neither one of us could do anything when she shoved Josh into the flames to see if he would burn too. 

 

Part One

8 years later

Today is my sisters 18th birthday. I didn’t buy her a gift. Why would I? It’s not like I know her. I haven’t seen her in years. Besides, what use would she have for presents inside a mental institute? I stand outside the front doors of the dark, unhappy looking building of Hope Land Institute and feel a shiver run through my body. This was a bad idea. I haven’t seen Mack since she was put here after murdering my older brother, Josh. I still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that Mackenzie, my sweet, beautiful little sister, had the power to kill Josh. I swallow hard as his screams echo through my mind, the image and smell of his singed flesh forever engraved into my memory. I clear my thoughts, stepping forward and pushing the door open, entering the building. The reception is small. A young girl, around 20, is sitting at the counter, tapping away on the computer. I walk over to her and she looks up, smiling at me.  
“Hello there. I’m Sandy. What can I do for you?”  
I smile back at her. “Hey. I’m here to see my sister. Mackenzie Ackles.”  
She nods, typing something on the screen and then writing something on a piece of paper.  
“Proof of ID?” she asks.  
I flash her my driver’s license. She slips me the paper along with a key card. It has a room number on it.  
“Down the hall, first left and then through the second door on the right.”  
I nod and thank her, before following her instructions. As I walk down the hall, a cold feeling settles in my stomach. Screams echo through the thin walls and I flinch every time I hear a voice cry out for help. I reach the second right, seeing Ward B written on the door. I push it open like she said and find myself in a narrow corridor with doors on either side. They have numbers on them. 219. 220. 221. I pause as I pass by 221. There is a boy inside. He looks around 18 or 19. He is lying on his back on the bed, staring at the celling. He has long, floppy bangs of brown hair and tanned skin. He tilts his head to the side and looks at me. I gasp and hurry down the corridor, those cat-like eyes burning into my soul. He was gorgeous! I shudder and search for room, 235. When I see it, I hesitate before slipping the key card over the scanner. The door buzzes and I push it open, stepping inside. Mack is sitting on the floor, staring at the wall. She has her knees pulled up to her chest and is whispering under her breath. She doesn’t look at me as I enter, her focus still on the plain white wall. I clear my throat. She still doesn’t pay me any attention. I sigh heavily and open my mouth to speak.  
“Hey, Mack.”  
Her head whips around to face me, an inhuman gleam in her eyes. A smile fills her pale features. She looks so much older, obviously. She’s filled out and her hair has been chopped into a pixie cut instead of the old waves she used to have. Her eyes glistening with an unnatural spark and she stands, stepping close to me. Too close.  
“Jenny,” she says softly. “You came!”  
She wraps her arms around me and I suppress my shudder, returning the gesture. She holds onto me for a long time, but eventually pulls away. She sits on the bed, patting the spot next to her. I unwillingly sit down, shivering as she leans into me and rests her head on my shoulder. I can’t help but be afraid of my little sister. She is a murderer, after all. My thoughts go back to the court case. The judge deciding that Mack was unsound in the head and needed psychological help instead of juvenile prison. Sometimes I wonder if that was the right decision.  
“So, Jenny. Tell me about you’ve been up to! You’re 21 now. Out of school. What are you doing? Momma wouldn’t tell me.”  
Because I begged her not to, I think bitterly.  
“I’m taking some time out,” I begin. I had been at university for 2 years when momma got ill and I dropped out. “Renting an apartment and working at a local café. And a bookshop. Just odds and ends.”  
She nods her head, eyes wide. She asks me more questions. About my life and the world in general. About half an hour into our conversation, a loud yell silences me. I look at Mack, startled. She shrugs.  
“That’s one of the doctor’s. Jared probably hit him. They are taking him to his daily medical treatment. He hates it.”  
I look out the door of Mack’s room and I can see the boy from 221 being dragged down the corridor, his protests being stifled by the hand placed over his mouth. His wide, frantic eyes meet mine. Help me, they beg. Please help me. I stand and press my palm flat against the door, my heart pounding in my chest. Our eyes stay locked until he is taken into another room, the door slammed between us.  
“That’s the torture room,” Mack says in a sing song voice, right next to my ear.  
I jump, startled, and spin around to find her right in front of me. She grins wickedly.  
“That’s where they’ll inject him with medicine. Then they’ll talk and talk, trying to get him to tell them what happened. He won’t. He never does. He won’t tell anyone. Then they’ll take him back to his room. He hasn’t left this place in years.” She laughs.  
I swallow hard. He hasn’t left his place? I’ve been here just under an hour and I already feel trapped. How must Jared feel? I glance back at Mack.  
“I’ve got to go.”  
She pouts, gripping my wrist in her hand. “You’ll come back, right Jenny? You won’t leave me here all alone.” Her tone is desperate.  
I slowly nod. “I’ll…” my voice cracks. “I’ll come back, Mack.”  
She hugs me tightly. Then she steps back and watches me leave, her eyes burning into the back of my neck. I rush out of the institute, feeling sick. I don’t want to go back there. But I have to. It was my momma’s dying wish. Forgive Mack, Jensen. Please.

**************************************************************************

I went back to Hope Land Institute three more times that month. And every time felt as sickening as the first. Mack continued with her sweet, innocent little girl act. And I started to meet other people who lived there. Like Old Jo who roomed a few doors down and was there for accidently stabbing his wife. And Lily Merriweather who drowned her pet dogs. All 4 of them. I gradually began to realize that Ward B was for the more violent rather than crazy people. Only the patients in Ward B get locked in their rooms. The other wards patients can have free reign throughout the institute. Because they are safe and won’t lash out and kill someone. Which made me think about Jared and what he possibly could have done to be put here. But just like Mack said, no one knows. I saw Jared a few more times. Once he was sitting on his bed reading. Another time he was leaving what Mack called the torture room, pale and sweating and looking ready to drop dead. He always looks at me with those intense eyes, begging for help. But what can I do? I’m 21, broke, renting a cheap flat and trying to make sure that my dad doesn’t have a mental break down after momma’s unexpected death. Dealing with a crazy sister is bad enough, I don’t need to complicate my life further by befriending Jared.  
However, when I enter the institute a week after my last visit, my intentions of ignoring Jared go out the window. I walk into the reception, flashing Sandy a grin and picking up the key card for Mackenzie’s room. I head down the first corridor, approaching Ward B when I pass by the cafeteria. I glance in and notice Jared. He is alone at a table, poking around at the food on his plate. I chew on my lip, casting my gaze towards the door to Ward B and then back at Jared, making up my mind. I square my shoulders and saunter into the cafeteria. I stroll up to Jared and take the seat opposite him. He jumps at the sound and looks up, eyes widening as he sees me. There are bags under his eyes and his cheeks look hollow and sunken. I gesture at the food.  
“You gonna eat that?”  
He wrinkles up his nose and shakes his head. I laugh.  
“Come on, man. It can’t be that bad. May I?” I ask, leaning over to take the fork from him.  
He gives it to me and I scoop some of the brown mush onto the fork. I take a bite and swallow, immediately gagging. I grab Jared’s glass of water and down it instantly. Jared laughs silently, revealing his adorable dimples.  
“Okay, that’s disgusting. No wonder you don’t eat.” I look him up and down, taking in his far too skinny figure. “You hungry?”  
He shrugs.  
“Wanna go grab something?”  
His eyes grow wider. I’m guessing that no one has even asked him if he wants to leave in a long time. He slowly nods his head, a steady look of excitement growing on his face. I stand, nodding at him to follow me. He hurriedly gets up, revealing his tattered jeans and the frayed hem of his blue t-shirt. I make a metal note to find some of my old clothes. They should fit him. I also note that he is the same height as me. Judging from the fact that he is still a kid, I can only imagine how tall he’ll be once he’s reached his full height. We leave the cafeteria and walk towards the reception. I stroll over to Sandy, placing the key card to my sister’s room on her desk.  
“I’m taking Jared out to grab lunch. I’ll be back later.”  
She looks startled, but nods just the same. I smile at Jared as we leave the institute. He looks around with amazement in his eyes as we walk down the street. I laugh lightly, slipping my arm over his shoulders. He looks over at me with happiness in his expression.  
“You having fun, Jay?”  
He nods, his gaze resting on a double decker bus that drives past. He points excitedly.  
“You’ve never seen one before?” I ask, surprised.  
He shakes his head. Oh. I drop my arm from his shoulders and usher him into the small café that I’ve taken to eating at after my visits to Mack. I take him over to a table in the corner of the room and we sit down.  
“I’m Jensen,” I say. “Just so that you know.”  
He grins brightly. A waitress walks over to us, smiling flirtatiously. She places two menus on the table.  
“I’m Annie. What can I get you handsome boys to drink?”  
I look her up and down slowly. She has a thin face, framed by long blond hair and really pretty brown eyes. She has a slim, nicely shaped figure. Nice. I flash her a charming grin.  
“I’ll have a coffee, sweetheart. Black. And you, Jay?”  
I look over at him. He’s staring at me with pure terror etched onto his face. I nearly kick myself when I notice his frightened eyes, making him look even more vulnerable than the young kid he already is. The poor guy hasn’t been out in public for heaven knows how long. He doesn’t talk. He’s shy as hell. And here I am flirting with the hot waitress. What an idiot.  
“Coffee?”  
He shakes his head.  
“Tea? Coke? Milkshake?”  
He nods enthusiastically. I grin. Bingo. “Chocolate?”  
He licks his lips and smiles. I look back at Alona who is watching us both curiously.  
“A chocolate milkshake for Jay please. Thanks hon.”  
She jots it down on her note book and winks at me. “Coming right up.”  
As soon as she’s gone and turn back to Jared. “I’m sorry, I should have thought. Do you know what you want to eat?”  
He nods shyly and points to the sandwich he would like on the menu. I nod. When Alona comes back with our drinks I tell her our orders. I chat away to Jared, telling random stories about my childhood, trying to make him laugh. Which he does. And seeing his face light up like that leaves a warm feeling in my chest. I don’t bother trying to analyze the reason for my behavior, instead pushing it to the back of my mind and focusing solely on Jay.  
“Jay, how old are you?” I ask absentmindedly before taking a large bite of my sandwich. The soft bread and unique flavors leave me moaning with pleasure. That is one of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. I close my eyes, chewing revenatly. Then I swallow and look at Jared, who is blushing furiously and staring at his lap.  
“Jay? You okay?” I ask cautiously. Did I do something wrong?  
He nods, breathing deeply and then holds up 9 fingers.  
“19?” I guess. He nods. I grin at him. “You’re a year old than Mack then. You know Mack?”  
He nods, and then tilts his head, waving his hands in a continue gesture.  
“You wanna know about my family?” I ask, trying to understand his silent movements. He smiles. Okay then.  
“So I grew up in Texas. Dallas originally. Moved her to San Antonio 8 years ago because we needed a decent place to keep my sister. There was me, momma, dad, Mack and my older brother Josh. Uh, we were happy as kids. But when my sister was 10, she killed my brother.”  
Jared doesn’t even blink. I laugh lightly. “I guess you knew that already, huh? Everyone at Hope Land seems to know everything about each other.” I smile at him softly. “Except you.” He swallows hard, chewing on his lip with a frown pasted across his face. I signal for Alona to bring the cheque. She places it in front of me and I hand her the dollars that I really shouldn’t be spending on eating out when I can barely pay the bills. But Jared needed to eat. Going without my TV license is definitely worth Jared being happy. I stand and Jay follows. We walk back to Hope Land in silence. When we reach the doors, Jay looks at me with a forlorn expression on his beautiful face. There is a health rose colour on his previously pale face, making him look stronger and healthier than the beginning of the day. I grab Jared’s room key from the man at the reception and we walk through the corridors and enter the ward. I unlock his room and we step inside. He stares at the ground, scuffing his shoes on the floor, hunching his shoulders as he trembles slightly. I lift his chin up with my fingers, forcing him to look at me. His kicked puppy face pulls at my heart strings. I brush the hair out of his eyes and try to ignore the heat I feel in the pit of my stomach as he looks at me with those wide, trusting eyes.  
“Hey,” I say softly, “I’ll come back soon. I promise. Not tomorrow, because I have work. But the day after. I’ll be here. Okay?”  
He nods just barely, still looking unhappy, but his eyes are slightly brighter. I pull him in and hug him, feeling his arms tighten around me desperately. It shocks me how after spending only one afternoon with him I am already so protective of the kid. And it seems that Jay has taken a liking to me as well if his death grip is anything to go by. I ease myself out of his arms, flashing in a grin.  
“See you in a couple days, Jay.”

**********************************************************

The next day I have a 7 hour shift at the bookshop. The day drags on and on, my thoughts fixed on a certain boy who I can’t seem to get out of my head. I stack and unstack books. Work the till. Help a woman find a book for her teenage daughter. Stack more books. When it reaches 5pm I hand over the keys to my co-worker, Danneel, and dash outside, looking forward to relaxing on the couch and binge watching Doctor Who. However, when I reach my flat I find Chad Michael Murray standing outside my door, an annoyed look plastered on his face. When he sees me, his face lightens.  
“Finally! I was wondering where you got to! Katie, Steve and Chris are already at the bar. You ready to go?”  
I stare at him blankly. He rolls his eyes. “Man, seriously? It’s Katie’s birthday, idiot. We arranged to go out to the bar down on Rosemond, remember yet?”  
I groan. “Two minutes. Just let me get changed.”  
I unlock my flat and stumble inside. I chuck on a pair of jeans and a fresh t-shirt, splash water on my face and then meet Chad in his beat up truck.  
When we reach the bar, Steve and Chris are already on their 3rd round of drinks, Sophia looks sober and Katie is on her 5th. When she sees us, she grins happily chucking her arms around me.  
“Jensen!” She squeals. “You made it!”  
I laugh, feeling the stress of the past month melting away as I hang out with my friends. We sit around, drinking, talking. Then Chris and Steve hit the karaoke machine. Katie and Sophia drag Chad and I onto the dance floor and pretty soon I forget about everything that isn’t here and now. When I wake up the next morning I have no recollection of the previous night, a pounding headache and a hickey from a girl who I can’t remember. All in all, I feel like hell. 

*************************************************

I stumble into Hope Land, ignoring the pounding in my head. I spent the morning in bed, cursing my existence, and then 12pm-2pm waiting tables at the café and pretending I wasn’t half dead. I almost skipped my Hope Land visit. Almost. But the thought of not keeping my promise to Jared spurred me on and here I am. Sandy is once again at the reception. She looks up as I approach and a smirk etches its way onto her face.  
“Someone had a hard night,” she laughs.  
I groan. “Shut up. I need to key’s to Mack and Jared’s room, please.”  
She nods, handing them to me. “Jared might not take to kindly to seeing you today,” she warns.  
I frown. “Why not?”  
She sighs, rubbing a hand over her face and then resting her chin on her hands. “They had a counseling session with him an hour ago. He’s pretty shaken up. Doctor Jones is getting fed up of Jared’s muteness. They want to try new forms of therapy to try and get him to open up. I don’t know what they’re going to do.”  
I chew my nails, worried. I hope he’s okay. I thank Sandy for the warning and speed walk towards the ward. I reach his room and scan the card, opening the door and stepping inside. Jared is lying on his bed, curled up in a tight ball. When he sees me, he stands up at lighting speed and throws himself into my arms.  
“Woah. Easy tiger!” I say, returning his tight embrace. His body shakes and I gently run my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down. I hug him for a long time, determined not to let go. Jay will step back when he’s ready and not a moment sooner. After approximately 10 minutes, Jared sniffs, nuzzling his face into my neck before stepping back and wiping the couple of escaped tears from his eyes. I try to smile at him.  
“Hey, Jay.”  
He sits down on his bed, beckoning for me to join him. I sit next to him, both of us leaning our backs against the wall. He moves closer to me. I let him. His need to touch doesn’t bother me. In fact, I feel honored. This shy, damaged boy feels safer when he’s with me and if touching me makes him feel better then he can touch me as much as he wants. I wrap my arm around his frail shoulders.  
“I got you something, Jay,” I say, reaching into my coat pocket and pulling out a packet of gummy bears and a toasted sandwich from the café. Jared’s face brightens and he shyly takes the sandwich from my hand, unwrapping it and taking a bite, savoring it. I grin, pleased with myself. Jared wolfs down the sandwich and gummy bears, offering them to me as he downs the packet. I decline, wanting him to have as much as possible. Once he’s finished, I stand. Jared pales and grabs my hand, shaking his head. I sigh.  
“I’m just going to see Mack quickly. I’ll be right back, okay?”  
He hesitates, but his forceful hold on my hand lessons and then he drops it all together. I smile at him, telling him that I’ll be back in a few minutes. Then I leave Jared and walk a couple doors down to see Mack. My sister is pleased to see me, as always. She chats away animatedly, giggling as she tells me about the horrible things that the other patients have done. I feel sick, partly at the things she describes but mainly from the look of glee on her face as she explains how the girl in room 200 chopped her mother up into tiny pieces when she was 13 years old. After talking to her for half an hour, I tell her I need to leave. I go back to Jared’s room and find him fast asleep on his bed. I smile softly to myself. I sit down on the floor, leaning against the bed and close my eyes. I’ll wait till he wakes up. I promised him I’d come back. 

A hand gently shakes my shoulder and I blink wearily, yawning. I rub my eyes and look around, confused. I nearly jump out of my skin when I see Jared blinking at me through the darkness. I pull my phone out my pocket and frown. 3am. I look back at Jared, about to apologize when Jay scoots over on his bed, pushing himself against the wall and pats the spot next to him. My fuzzy brain tells me to get up and leave but I’m too tired to think. I scramble into the bed and Jay pulls the covers over us both. Our arms and legs brush against each other in the cramped space and Jared’s breath ghosts across my flesh. I close my eyes and snuggle into the pillow.  
“Thanks, Jay.”  
As I drift back to sleep I could have sworn I felt a cool pair of lips brushing against my forehead. 

************************************************************

The week’s flow by. I spend the mornings and early afternoons at the bookshop and café, the late afternoons with Mack and Jay, and then the evenings with Chris, Steve, Chad and Katie. I feel exhausted and my body can barely move, but I am happier than I’ve been in years. It’s 3 months since my first visit to Hope Land. 3 months since I met Jared. I smile at the thought as I open his door, sticking my head inside.  
“You ready, Jay?”  
Jay looks up from his perch on his bed. He nods, smiling and gets up. He hugs me quickly and then pulls back, flashing me a lopsided grin. We leave the room and stop by Mack’s room to say hello. I ask if she wants to come for lunch with Jared and I but she simply winks at me and tells me to come visit her later.  
Jay and I then exit Hope Land and head down to the park a few streets over. I buy us hot dogs from a stand and we sit down on a bench, enjoying each other’s company. We watch the kids playing and it makes me think about my own childhood and how Josh, Mack and I used to play. I think about Jared, wondering how long he has been in Hope Land. Wondering what his childhood was like. I glance over at him as he takes the last bite of his hot dog. He sees me watching him and swallows his food before flashing me a happy grin. Over these past few months he has really filled out, what with me constantly buying him proper food instead of that mush from the cafeteria. He looks even more beautiful now that his skin is lit with a healthy glow. I feel my pulse quicken and curse myself for being infatuated with this gorgeous, silent boy.  
When we get back to the clinic, I stop by Mack’s room and chat with her for a few minutes. Then I leave, popping my head in Jay’s room to say goodbye. He looks up at me and a small smile spreads across his face.  
“Bye, Jen.”  
I freeze, my mouth dropping open slightly. In all these months I have never heard a sound leave his mouth. I didn’t even know he could speak. His voice is deep and husky, hoarse from being unused. A blush spreads across his face as I stare at him, gob smacked. Then I shake my head and smile widely.  
“Bye, Jay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

*************************************************************

 

 

Part Two

Jared’s Point of View

13 years ago

It’s cold. Dark. And I’m alone. Always alone. The sun has forgotten my existence since I haven’t been outside in so long. The stench of blood chills me to the bone. Mummy won’t wake up. Daddy doesn’t look like daddy anymore. He’s skin and blood and bones and empty. His eyes are open and they stare at me. I can feel them on me from where he lies on the other side of the room. I want to eat. I’m hungry. And I need the toilet. But mummy told me to stay in the corner and not to move, no matter what. But that was 5 days ago. And mummy hasn’t moved from her perch on the coach since then. Meggie is in pieces on the floor. And Jeff… Jeff is strips and chunks and lumps. I swallow hard. Why did mummy do that to Jeff and Meggie and daddy? Why did mummy make them scream? Why did she laugh when they cried in pain? Why? Why? Why?  
My stomach growls in desperation. My throat is parched and dry.  
“Mummy?” I whisper, hoping she’ll wake up. She doesn’t. I stand from my corner and tiptoe closer to mummy. She still doesn’t move. I’m hungry. I go to the kitchen and try to reach the cupboard. I can’t. I grab the chair and pull it over so that I can reach. There is nothing in the cupboard. I check the fridge. There is left over pasta from a week ago. I eat it. I feel sick. The pasta doesn’t stay down.  
I sleep. And when I wake up, the moon is still in the sky. I try poking mummy, but she doesn’t make a sound. I frown at that. Then I peer over at daddy. He smells funny. And ants are crawling all over him. Gross. Meggie is even worse. Half her face is missing. This is wrong. All of this is wrong. Are they… dead? But mummy wouldn’t kill them, would she?  
Stay in the corner, Jared. And don’t say anything to anyone. Ever. You hear me, sweetheart?  
I shiver. Then the front door opens and 2 police officers walk in. The woman runs over to me and scoops me into her arms. They talk to each other, but I don’t understand. Then more people come in. I think they are policemen but I’m not sure. Everything feels fuzzy. I don’t understand.  
The woman takes me to a police station. She takes me into a room and gives me a bath. I must have smelt. I can’t remember the last time I bathed. She gives me clean clothes and takes me into another room, placing a plate of cookies and a glass of milk in front of me. I eat them. I’m still hungry. She asks me questions. She wants to know what happened. Did someone break in? Why am I still alive? I don’t know. I place my hands over my ears, blocking out her voice. Mummy told me not to say anything ever. So I won’t. More people come and go, but I refuse to speak. I won’t disobey mummy any more than I already have. Then the woman says something to another woman about a children’s health clinic? I think. I don’t understand. All I know is that my family is dead. And mummy killed them. 

********************************************************

Present Day

Jensen’s Point of View

“What would it take to get Jared out of here?” I ask Sandy, first thing on Saturday morning.  
Sandy jumps, startled and then shakes herself.  
“What?”  
I roll my eyes. “I want to get Jared discharged. He’s been here how long?”  
Sandy checks on the computer. “13 years.”  
My eyes grow wide. I never imagined that it could have been that long. He’s been here since he was 6?  
“Exactly. 13 years. Still won’t speak. This place obviously isn’t helping. And he talks to me.”  
Now it’s Sandy’s turn for her eyes to grow wide. “He spoke to you?”  
I smirk. “Yep. Only once. 2 weeks ago. But he is getting better. He doesn’t need this place. He needs to be out there in the world. Living. Not being kept in here like a crazy person when he clearly isn’t.”  
Sandy sighs. “Jensen, do you know why he was put here in the first place?”  
I shake my head.  
“He was found in his house surrounded by the dead bodies of his mother, father, sister and brother. They were chopped into pieces. It was a massacre. Now no one knows what happened because Jared won’t say. For all we know, he could be crazy. It wouldn’t be safe for him to leave here.”  
I swallow hard. I can’t even imagine what Jay has been through. Dealing with that when he was only a kid. But I still don’t believe that he needs to be in a mental institute.  
I groan in frustration. “Do it as a trial! Let him come and live with me for one month and see if he gets better. If he does, he doesn’t have to come back. If he doesn’t, then he returns. Please, Sandy.”  
“You’re only 21, Jensen,” she says softly. “Jared’s only 19.”  
“And he’s legally an adult!” I retort. “Does he have any living family members willing to take him in? No. Hope Land has kept him here for years. I highly doubt any of them will care if he leaves and moves in with me.”  
She sighs. “I’ll talk to the staff and see what I can do, but don’t get your hopes up!” She says when she sees my excited grin. I lean across the counter and kiss her forehead.  
“Thank you!” I say, before turning and sprinting towards Jared’s room to tell him the news. I burst into his room, grinning from ear to ear.  
“Jay! Guess what?”  
Jared jumps, startled and then stands, running over to me and stopping a few inches away. He tilts his head sideways and looks me up and down. I am nearly jumping with excitement. He shrugs, raising his eyebrows in curiosity.  
“I spoke to Sandy and she still has to check with the boss but I might have found a way to get you out of here!”  
His face lights up and he nods his head, wanting me to continue. So I do.  
“I asked Sandy to try and get it sorted but basically if they agree, you can come and live with me for one month and if you seem better, then you don’t have to come back here. If there isn’t a change, then you have to return. I know that sucks but- “  
I’m cut off by Jared flinging his arms around me and squeezing me tightly. I hug him back just as forcefully. Jay buries his head in my neck and his breath tickles my skin. I smile into his shoulder. This is what true happiness feels like. Jay pulls back, his nose touching mine due to the lack of space between us. Our air mingles together and we keep our arms around each other’s waists. Jay looks into my eyes.  
“Thank you,” he whispers.  
I close my eyes and rest my forehead against his, gasping slightly. “You’re welcome.”

************************************************

I place Jay’s duffle bag on the bed in the spare room, smiling as he looks around in wonder. His wandering eyes scan the room, taking in every detail from the pale blue walls to the single bed in the corner. It isn’t much. But for Jay, who hasn’t slept anywhere other than Hope Land since he was 6 years old, this room probably looks like heaven. I cough, clearing my throat.  
“I hope you’ll like it here, Jay.”  
He smiles softly. “Thank you, Jensen.”  
That’s the third time he has spoken to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. His voice is still hoarse, rusty from never being used, but it sends shivers through my spine. This feeling is still new to me. This feeling of happiness and caring and love. I love Jared. He’s like a brother to me. No, more than that. He’s become my best friend. I honestly can’t thank him enough for how he has changed me. Before I met him, I was moody, stressed and angry at life for the hand it dealt me. I blamed my parents and Mack. I mean, after Mack killed Josh, it’s not like many people wanted to be my friend. Who wants to be friends with a murders brother? I fell deeper and deeper into my hole of darkness and Jay is the light drawing me out. I need him, I realize. I need him just as much, maybe even more, than he needs me. We are lost without each other. My heart constricts as I take in Jared’s messy appearance. He is dressed in baggy jeans and a plain black, tight t-shirt. His sneakers are coated in mud and his hair is in desperate need of a cut. But his smile is bright and enticing and his eyes reflect so many emotions that it’s hard to keep up. But his general aurora is leaking out into the world around him and touching people with his kindness and love that someone like him, someone who has been kept locked away and suffered so much pain, shouldn’t possess. I swallow hard.  
“Come here,’ I whisper, holding out my hand.  
He takes it and I tug him to me, wrapping him in a tight hug, breathing in his scent and just enjoying his presence. Jay nuzzles my neck and I’m able to feel the smile on his face as he presses a small kiss to my throat. I shudder, trying to ignore how good it feels to have him here with me. Finally, I pull back and hold him at arm’s length.  
“You wanna watch something?”  
Jared grins. “Yes please. I don’t remember the last time I saw a TV.”  
I chuckle, shocked by the long sentence he just let out, but attempting to hide my surprise so as not to make him self-conscious. I lead him into the lounge and we get comfy on the couch as I turn on reruns of Doctor Who. I barely watch the screen, my eyes focused on the range of expressions that pass over Jay’s face. I bite back a smile at his childlike fascination. We watch the whole of season one. Then I get up and order pizza, before switching on season 2. Jared lets out little bursts of adorable laughter that are infectious. I stand up when I hear the doorbell, pausing the TV and going to grab the pizza boxes. I thank the pizza man and hand him the cash. Then I lock up the flat and grab a couple blankets before returning to Jay who is waiting eagerly on the couch. I press play and we continue to watch while stuffing our mouths full of delicious pizza. After a while, Jared lies down in the couch, placing his head in my lap as he continues to watch the screen with a burning intensity in his eyes. I cautiously start running my fingers though his hair. Jay lets out a small whine and pushes back into the warmth of my fingers, whimpering slightly. I blush and continue to play with his hair. My last conscious thought is of how soft his luxurious locks feel against my skin before I fall into a pleasant sleep. 

***********************************************

It’s a couple days before Christmas when the first snow of the season starts to fall. Jared watches with excitement, his face pressed against the glass of the window as he points at the street.  
“Jen, can we go outside? Please?” he begs, giving me his best puppy expression.  
I laugh and grab 2 coats from my closet, tossing one at him. Then I grab scarfs, hats and gloves. I put on my own before walking over and wrapping a scarf around Jared’s neck. He stills, breathing slightly unevenly. I pull the beanie onto his head and pause, looking into his calm, trusting eyes. I clear my head and hand him the gloves.  
“Here,” I say, coughing. “It’ll be freezing out there.”  
Jay nods and pulls them on, flashing me one of those heart stopping, soul warming grins. This boy is going to be the death of me. I unlock the door and gesture for Jared to step outside.  
“After you,” I say with a smirk, winking playfully.  
Jared blushes and steps outside, sucking in a deep breath. We walk down the stairs and out onto the street. Jay steps forward and I hang back, watching him. He walks in a daze, eyes darting around the street as he takes in the thickening layer of snow. He tilts his head back and gazes up at the sky, a laugh bubbling out of his chest. His eyes crinkle and those darn dimples make an appearance. He spins in a circle, his arms outstretched. He looks so beautiful. The snow is still falling and some flakes have landed on his skin. My heart races and emotions that I have never felt before swirl in the pit of my stomach. He is it for me. The words are unbidden in my mind, but once they are there, I can’t help but think how true they are. Jared has wormed his way into my heart, mind and soul. He is it. I know, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to love anyone as much as I love him. He grins at me then, beckoning me over to him. When I reach him he gives me a short, but forceful hug. He steps back and looks me in the eye as he speaks.  
“Thank you, Jensen. Thank you for everything,” he says clearly, reaching out and squeezing my hand.  
I tug him towards me and press our foreheads together. We gaze into each other’s eyes and I feel my heart swell with love for this beautiful, damaged boy. I decide to risk it and press my lips against Jared’s. I don’t move, scared that I have overstepped my boundaries. But then Jared starts to kiss me back. He opens his mouth to give me more access and I slip my tongue into his mouth, tasting the minty freshness of our tooth paste. I pull him flush against my body and let out a quiet moan. Jared echoes the sound, slipping his hands into the back pockets of my jeans and squeezing slightly. I groan and give him one last kiss before pulling back, breathless.  
“As much as I would love to make out with you all day, we are in public and the snow isn’t going to last forever,” I say in a hoarse voice.  
Jay laughs and removes his hands from my ass. “Yeah,” he lets out a breathless giggle.  
I step away from him and smile smugly. Then I stoop down and grab some snow before tossing it at him. Jared lets out a very unmanly squeak, causing me to burst out laughing. Jay huffs and scoops up some snow of his own. He throws it at me, hitting me square in the face. I yelp and glare at him.  
“You’re so gonna pay for that!” I playfully lunge for him, tackling him into the snow.  
He squeals, laughing as I tickle his sides and shove snow down his shirt.  
“Jen!” he gasps, laughter laced in his voice. “S-stop!”  
I smirk and sit back, still straddling his hips. Jay gasps for breath, a smile flitting across his face. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to his beauty. I roll off of him, lying on my back. I tilt my head to look at him and find his eyes already fixed on me. I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze, leaning in to give him a chaste kiss. I smile against his lips. I tug my phone out of my pocket and hold it up. Jay raises his eyebrows. I nudge him.  
“I’ve known you for months and we don’t have any pictures. Just smile, Jay.”  
I take the picture of us, me resting my head on Jay’s shoulder as we lie in the snow. Then I sit up. Jay follows, snow lacing his body. He shivers.  
“That was cold, Jen,” he pouts, referring to the snow I shoved down his clothes.  
I wiggle my eyebrows teasingly. He huffs.  
“Aww, don’t be like that, baby,” I coo at him, resting my head on his shoulder and nuzzling into his neck. Jay lets out a short laugh and shoves me away, standing. He holds out his hand to help me up and I take it, letting him yank me to my feet. We grin stupidly at each other. Then Jay shivers. I take his hand and start walking back to the flat.  
“Come on, Jay. You need a nice, warm bath. We don’t want you getting sick.”  
“And who’s fault would that be,” he grumbles.  
I glance back at him and he shrugs innocently. I chuckle. This new Jay, this confident, talking, happy Jay makes me proud beyond words. I usher him into the flat and immediately go and run the bath. Jay stands shaking in the lounge. I help him take off his coat and scarf, tugging him into the bathroom.  
“You warm up, okay? I’ll fix us some dinner.”  
Jay nods, offering me a small smile, before I step out the room, closing the door behind me. I stroll into the kitchen, a large grin etched onto my face. I kissed Jay! Jay kissed me. I love him. I shake my head. No. I always loved him. I’m in love with him. That makes me smile wider, if that’s possible. I’m in love with Jared Tristan Padalecki and I have never been happier. I bite my lip and force myself to focus. I dig around in the cupboards, pulling out some ingredients and getting started on a lasagna. I’m just sticking it on the oven when Jared steps out the bathroom. His hair is still damp and hangs in messy bangs over his forehead. He is wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. My t-shirt, I realize. He looks nervous, stopping a few feet away from me, chewing his lip. I frown.  
“You okay, Jay?”  
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Why did you kiss me?” he whispers.  
Still puzzled, I answer, “Because I wanted to. I like you, Jay.”  
Jared wrings his hands desperately. “But why? I’m worthless. I have a messed up past that I haven’t told you about and up until a few weeks ago I wouldn’t speak. I’m pathetic. And you - you’re an angel. You’re funny, kind and so, so beautiful, Jen. Why would you want to be stuck with a delinquent like me?”  
I stare at him, shocked. How can he think that about himself? Does he seriously think that he is pathetic? I step towards him, speaking slowly, needing to get through to him.  
“You are the most beautiful human being I have ever had the pleasure of knowing,” I begin, nearing him. “I was so lost, Jared. My momma had just died. I had a sister in a mental institute who I hadn’t seen in years. I felt like the world was crumbling around me.” I edge closer. “You saved me, Jared. I went to Hope Land to keep a promise to my momma and forgive my sister. Along the way I found you. You became my best friend. You made me smile and laugh more than Chris, Steve, Katie or any of my other friends had in years, and that was while you weren’t speaking. You have the purest soul, Jay. You have been through so much and yet you still have the will to smile and be happy. You gave me a reason.” I stop in front of him, keeping my eyes on his stunned, open face. I place my hands on his cheeks, wiping my thumb over a tear that slipped from his eyes. “I am in love with you, Jay,” I whisper, watching his eyes grow wide. “I am in love with you.”  
Jared hiccups then, tears streaming down his face. He tugs me against him and kisses me forcefully. I open my mouth in surprise and Jared uses it to his advantage. He shoves me against the wall, pressing against me as he kisses me deeply. His lips leave my own and travel down my jaw and to my neck, sucking at the skin vigorously, making sure to leave a mark. I moan out his name, gripping his hair tightly and pushing his head against my skin, needing more. He licks and nips his way back up to my lips and his hands slip under my shirt, resting on my skin. For someone who has never been kissed before today, he sure knows how. We continue kissing, stumbling from the lounge and to my room, falling onto the bed with him on top of me. He tugs at my shirt, pulling it over my head. We strip our layers and then there is touch and love and passion and light and whispered words of ‘I love you’s and ‘always’ and then the final release of energy as we merge together and become one like we always were supposed to be. 

The next morning, I awake to the smell of burning. I groan, rolling over and coming face to face with Jared, who is still fast asleep, curled up in a ball with his head resting on my shoulder. Images from the night before flash across my mind and I blush scarlet. I had sex with Jared. A wide grin tugs at my lips. Jared loves me. I love him. Then I remember the burning and sniff the air, confused. Then my eyes widen. Bloody hell. The lasagna! I jump out of bed and dash into the kitchen. I switch off the oven and grab a tea towel. I open the oven, coughing at the steam and hurriedly remove the extremely burnt, black lasagna from the oven. I place it on the counter with a sigh, deciding to clean up later, and waddle back to bed, my muscles sore from the night before's events. I slip back into the covers, Jared opening an eye sleepily.  
“Jen?” he yawns.  
I smile, pressing a kiss to his nose. “You go back to sleep, okay?”  
He nods blearily and snuggles against me, falling back into dreamland instantly. I sigh, feeling content. I could get used to this. It’s unreal. Jared is here and in my arms and everything is perfect. I don’t know how I managed to get so lucky. With that thought, I fall back to sleep with a smile on my face.

************************************************

Jared grips my hand tightly as we stand outside Hope Land. It has been a month since he moved in with me and now we have to pay the price. Jay has agreed to talk to Doctor Jones in order to show that being with me has improved his health. Anything to stay with you, Jen, he had said when we spoke about it last night. The month in my apartment had been like heaven. Christmas was the best I had ever had. Seeing Jay’s face when I laid out dinner gave me one of the most amazing feelings ever. We binge watched the whole of Doctor Who and I convinced him to hang out with my friends who took a liking to him instantly. He came with me to my shifts at the bookshop and the staff liked him so much that he was hired within a week. Everything was going well. Our new found romantic relationship blossomed, our connection growing stringer by the day. If Hope Land decide that he can’t leave, I honestly don’t know how either one of us will react.  
I press a chaste kiss to his trembling lips. “It’ll be okay, Jay. You’ll see.”  
He nods, smiling slightly. “I know.” He squares his shoulders. “Let’s go.”  
We walk into the dull building. Sandy is sitting behind the desk and when she sees us her face lights up. We walk over to her and I lean on the counter, smirking.  
“Hello, boys! You two look well,” she says cheerfully.  
I drum my fingers on the cool surface. “You too, sweet cheeks. Had a good Christmas?”  
She blushes. “Yep. Did you two?”  
I cast a glance at Jared and he takes a deep breath, nodding at me.  
“Yeah. It was great. I had an amazing time,” he says, his voice steady.  
I feel a sense of pride grow in my chest and I squeeze his hand letting him know that I am proud of his courage. After all, he hasn’t spoken to anyone but me up until now.  
Sandy’s jaw drops. “Oh my- what – you…” she composes herself, a large grin on her face. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Jared.”  
He smiles at her. “Me too, Sandy.”  
I press a quick kiss to Jared’s cheek and then focus my attention back on Sandy. She winks at me and I roll my eyes, trying not to blush. Jared slips his arm around my waist and holds me closer to him.  
“So where are we supposed to meet Dr. Jones?” I ask, trying to ignore the heat growing inside of me.  
Sandy grimaces. “The torture room.”  
I feel Jay tense and I press myself closer to him, letting my warmth and reassurance melt into him. His muscles relax and he sighs in relief. Then he takes my hand and tugs me towards the room. Once we are outside of the door, I force Jared to face me. I cup his face in my hands and press a quick kiss to his down turned lips. He leans in hungrily, begging for more. I kiss him for a few more minutes before pulling back. We press our foreheads together; a position we have grown accustomed too over these past few weeks. Jared’s trembling fingers slip under my t-shirt, resting on my stomach.  
“I’m scared, Jen,” he whimpers.  
I tug him closer to me, holding onto him firmly. “I know, Jay. I’ll be right there with you. And after this, we can go home. Okay?”  
He nods, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, as though in pain. Then the door opens, disturbing our moment. Jared pulls away slowly, blinking, before turning to face a grim faced Dr. Jones. She casts a glance in my direction before gesturing for us to follow her inside. I step inside the room, looking around as I feel bile rise in my mouth. The room is simple really. A desk. A few chairs. A filing cabinet. The walls are white, completely blank. But it’s the thought of the countless people who have been forced in here and made to share their aching past that makes me feel sick. Dr. Jones tells us to take the seats opposite her, and I do, gently tugging Jared down when he stays frozen to the spot. He looks at me, before quickly sitting, swallowing audibly. Dr. Jones pulls out her paper and pen, crossing her legs as she looks at us.  
“So. Jared. Here is how this is going to work. We’ll talk about what happened to you when you were 6. Then, and only if I think it’s what’s best, you will be allowed to return to Mr Ackles apartment and only come to Hope Land once a week for an hour session. Is that understood?”  
Jared nods hurriedly, his face already pale. I reach over and slip my hand into his. Dr. Jones notes the movement, but doesn’t say anything. Then she begins with the session.  
“Jared, how are you feeling today?”  
Jared gulps. “Scared.”  
I can see the surprise on the doctors face. She schools her expression well and I doubt Jared noticed it, but it is there just the same. I feel triumphant at that. You show her, Jared, I think, immense pride blooming in my chest.  
“Why are you scared?” she prods.  
Jay glances at me, before staring at the floor intently. “I don’t want to come back here. I want to stay with Jen.”  
She nods, jotting things on her paper. She asks a few more general questions about why he wants to stay with me and if I mind him living with me on a more permanent bases. Then she turns to deeper questions.  
“Jared, I need you to tell me what happened when you were 6. Can you do that?”  
Jared nods slowly. I feel myself sit forward in my chair, secretly eager to know and understand what he has been through. I know a little from Sandy. About how he was found with the bodies. But Jared has never spoken about it to me. In fact, he begged me never to ask. And so I haven’t. But now I will find out.  
“Momma had a bad temper and she got angry a lot. But that day Meggie was hungry. She asked mum for something to eat. Momma got angry then. She hit Meggie hard. Really hard.” He swallows. “Daddy tried to stop her, but she pushed him and he hit his head. He stopped moving. Mummy saw me and told me to stay in the corner and never to speak to anyone, no matter what. Then she pulled out a knife and started cutting Meggie. She wouldn’t stop. Jeff tried to make her leave Meggie alone and so she cut him instead. Then she continued hurting Meggie. She laughed. Thought that it was funny and kept telling me that it was a game and I needed to stop crying. Then she started stabbing dad, over and over. When she was done, she pulled out a bottle, I don’t know what was in it. She drank it before lying down on the couch. She never woke up. I stayed there, just like she told me too. A few days later the police came and I was put here. I never spoke. Momma told me not to. She told me not to…” he says it in a rush, and when he’s done, he sags in the chair, a look of relief on his face at finally getting his secret out there.  
My heart stops beating. How could a mother do that to her child? How could anyone do that to another human being? I reach up to scratch my nose and feel tears that I didn’t know had fallen running down my cheeks. I wipe them away hurriedly. I need to be strong for Jared. However, when he casts those beautiful, puppy eyes at me I feel my strength dwindle. Tears are flowing down his face and he is hunched over, cowering in on himself. I reach over to him and hold him tightly, his head nestled in my chest as he clings to me desperately. We sit there, crying together, as Dr. Jones wipes away a tear of her own before leaving the room. I press my lips to Jared’s ear and whisper softly to him.  
“Remember that old quote? ‘Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.’ Everything will get better, Jay. I promise. I love you.”  
He whimpers and presses a wet, open mouthed kiss to my neck.  
“Love you too, Jen. So much,” he breathes, his breath warming my skin and sending a shiver through me.  
Dr. Jones steps back inside the room quietly. She sits down and waits for Jay and I to compose ourselves. I gingerly start to pull back but Jared’s grip on my arm stops me. I allow him to hold my hand, his head on my shoulder. I rub my thumb back and forth over his smooth skin, enjoying this feeling of closeness. Dr. Jones clears her throat.  
“Alright, Jared. You may live with Mr Ackles. But one session a week, okay?”  
Jared nods enthusiastically. “Yes! Thank you, Dr. Jones. Thank you…” He presses a sloppy kiss to my cheek, holding my hand tightly, almost bruising the skin. I don’t mind though. Not when Jared is looking at me with such love and trust in his eyes. Not when the blinding smile on his face is aimed at me. Not when he is whispering thank you over and over. Everything is going to be okay, and, in this moment, it feels like life is finally dishing me a fair hand. But, of course, we never get what we want, do we? 

***************************************************

5 months later

“Jen, I’m home!”  
The sound of Jared’s voice brings a smile to my face. There is the dull banging of doors and keys being tossed onto the cabinet and then Jared appears in the bedroom, his face glowing and hair wind swept. He is in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, his skin glowing due to the steadily warming sun. He sees me sitting on the bed, my laptop paused on an episode of some new show I’m watching. He clambers onto the bed, kicking of his sneakers, and falls onto the covers, his head in my lap. He grins up at me.  
“You had a good day at the bookshop, I see,” I say with a slight drawl.  
Jared lets out a bark of laughter. “Danni is good company.”  
I join in with his infectious laughter. “That she is. You still up for going down to the bar tonight with the others?”  
He nods, turning to look at the laptop and pressing play. We watch the show for a while, my fingers carting though his soft hair as he lies curled up beside me. These past five months have been the best of my life. Seeing Jay open up and grow in confidence has been a blessing. The once mute, shy boy is now the loudest of our friends and hardly stops talking. He says it’s because he has so much to catch up on. Not that I mind. I love hearing him talk.  
A few minutes after 7 there is a knock on the door. Jared shoves the last of his gummy bears in his mouth before following me to the door. Danni is standing on the other side, smiling. Our growing friendship at work led to her spending more time with Jay and me and then meeting our other friends. She fit right in.  
“Hey, boys. You ready?”  
We nod, locking up the apartment and following her to the car. The radio blasts and we sing along to the old songs, laughing. When we arrive, we are met by Steve, Chris, Katie, Chad and Sophia. They welcome us with hugs and Katie shoves a glass into my hands. I down the unknown substance, ignoring the bitter taste as it slides down my throat. Soon we are on the dance floor, going wild. Jared has his hands on my hips, his mouth on my neck. He’s shot up a few more inches since we first met and is now taller than me. He’s still beautiful, even more beautiful than when I first met him. I spin in his arms, catching him in a kiss. Sophia whistles, leaning on Katie as she laughs breathlessly. Chad has his arm around her waist and Steve and Chris are on stage, singing. It’s the perfect evening, being around people who make me happy. Then my phone rings. I frown, pulling back from Jay with one last peck. Then I shove my way outside, answering the call.  
“Hello?”  
There is a short intake of breath on the other side of the line. “Jensen?”  
“Yeah. Sandy?”  
She hiccups and a steadily growing sense of unease plays in the pit of my stomach.  
“Jensen, there’s been an incident.”  
I listen to her explain, my face growing paler and my heart rate increasing. When she’s done, she lets out one last chocked sob before ending the call. I stare at my cell in shock and disbelief. Jared is at my side in an instant, along with my friends worried faces. It’s then that I realize that I have collapsed onto my knees, clutching my phone to my chest. Jared is saying something but I can’t hear him. I can’t think.  
“Hope Land,” I croak out. “Now. Please.”  
I’m vaguely aware of being loaded into a car and of Jared’s arms around me. The drive seems to go on forever and when we reach the institute, there are ambulances and police cars outside. I jump out the car, dashing inside to find Sandy. She is sitting on the floor, a blanket wrapped around her and her knees drawn to her chest, her eyes squeezed shut.  
“Sandy,” I whisper.  
She opens her eyes, standing immediately and engulfing me in a hug. “I’m sorry.”  
I cry then. Hard. Tears falling down my face as I sob. I can feel the eyes of my friends on me, can feel the worry radiating off of Jared, but I can’t bear to face them. Not right now. I can hear another staff member explaining to them. Telling them how my father came in and murdered my sister before killing himself. I can hear their sharp in takes of breath as the situation is laid out for them on a silver platter. But I don’t care. All I can think about is my family. My dead brother. My dead mother. My dead sister. My dead father. They’re gone. They’re all gone. I pull back from Sandy, wiping my eyes. I never did it. I never fore filled my promise to my momma. Forgive Mack, Jensen. Please. I never did. I collapse to the floor, curl up in a ball and wish that I was dead with them. 

**************************************************

I stare out the kitchen window, watching the sun glow in the sky, a contrast to my emotions. Jared is at work and I’m glad. I don’t want to see him. It hurts too much. The funeral 3 weeks ago was a morbid affair. After all, who was there to grieve other than me? My friends were supportive. But when you’re burying two murderers it’s not like many people show up. The twinkling laughter of children walking home after their last day of school before summer break floats through the open window. I want to scream at them to shut up. There’s nothing to be happy about. Nothing. I grab my keys and leave the apartment, knowing that Jared will be home soon and desperately wanting to avoid him. It’s hurting him. I can see it as plain as day. But I just can’t talk to him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I walk into the bar, my new favorite past time. The girl on the bar is beautiful. She has long brown hair and large blue eyes, a firm body and pouty lips. I flash her a grin. It feels false. Everything does. But she doesn’t seem to notice as she flashes me a flirtatious grin and strolls over to where I’m standing, leaning against the counter. I take a seat at the bar and wink.  
“Hey there, sweetheart.”  
The girl giggles. “What can I get ya, hon?”  
I smirk. “The strongest you’ve got.”  
She licks her lips. “Coming right up.”  
As she walks away I feel everything inside me deflate as I think about Jared. My boyfriend. Who is worried sick and trying to help yet here I am flirting with the barista and getting drunk. Just like I’ve done every night for the past 3 weeks. The girl places a glass in front of me. I push Jared to the back of my mind as I show her my widest grin and say, “Keep ‘em coming, princess.”

I stumble home hours later and enter a dark flat. I can feel the pounding in my head and the churning in my stomach. I rush for the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I feel a warm hand on my back and instantly feel guilty about waking him. I try to protest but Jared just smooths back my forehead and offers me a glass of water before guiding me to bed. 

***************************************************

I trip as I enter the apartment, groaning loudly. Jared is sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of milk in his hands. It’s past midnight and I know the only reason he is awake is because he was waiting for me to come home from the bar. I scowl at him.  
“You should be asleep.”  
He stares at the milk as he speaks. “Jen,” he begins softly, “it’s been 2 months. I know it hurts. I know it sucks and it isn’t fair, but do you really think going out and getting drunk every night is the right answer? You refuse to see our friends, you won’t talk to me and you quit both your jobs. Jen, I’m scared. Please let me help you.”  
I laugh bitterly. “You? Help me? Please. Honey, your style of grieving was refusing to open your stupid mouth for 13 years so don’t you dare think that you have any right to talk to me about how to deal with my grieving and don’t you dare say that you understand because you don’t! You are a pathetic, psychotic boy and I wish to all that’s holy that I never picked you up from the fricken mental institute!”  
With that I storm into my bedroom and slam the door shut, locking it. I close my eyes and I can see Jared’s hurt expression and wide eyes. Maybe I’ve gone too far this time. But the pounding in my head shifts my focus and I tumble into bed, falling asleep instantly. 

**********************************************************

The next morning, I plod into the kitchen, squinting against the light. I curse under my breath, feeling dreadful. My head is aching and my muscles are sore. I grab the carton of orange juice from the fridge and down it, before turning to the coffee maker. I am busy sipping on my 3rd cup when Jared enters the room, duffle bag in his hand and expression grim. I raise my eyebrows at him.  
“You going on a trip?” I ask, rolling my eyes.  
Jared sighs. “Jen, please. Listen. You need to sort yourself out, okay. You need to go to a therapist or talk to your friends, but you can’t keep living like this. I have tried, Jen. But you won’t let me help. And I can’t sit here and watch you kill yourself. I won’t.” He sniffs. “I’m leaving, Jensen. For good. I love you and I will always love you and I am so darn grateful for everything that you have done for me. But I won’t just sit here and watch you wither away.”  
I stare at him wide eyed. Jared can’t leave. He just can’t. I need him. I can’t lose him. But I refuse to speak. I won’t let him see that I’m weak. He sighs and walks for the door, opening it. He places his set of keys on the counter and flashes me a sad smile.  
“I love you, Jen. But I can’t do this any longer. I’m sorry.”  
And then he leaves, taking the last piece of my heart with him. 

******************************************************

Part Three

4 years later

Jared’s Point of View

The bar is busy, like always. It’s a Saturday night and the crowds are out in force. The pool table is swarmed and Jessie’s girl is blasting through the speakers. Austin is a nice town, and the place I have grown to know as home over the past 4 years. My co-worker and friend, Alona, saunters over to me, grinning. She presses a kiss to my cheek.  
“You okay, buttercup?” She asks cheekily.  
I roll my eyes, handing a customer their drink. “I’m smashing, butterfly,” I respond.  
She winks, before heading back to her side of the counter. We’re always like this. The playful name calling and flirting. It’s a way to pass the time and have a laugh while serving countless customers. When I first moved here, Alona had taken me under her wing, introducing me to people, scoring me this job, helping me go flat hunting. We got along instantly and she helped me forget Jensen and the pain of my life in San Antonio. I turn to serve the next customer and grin when I see who it is. Genevieve Cortese, another friend of mine, who stops by regularly to chat. she has a bright smile on her beautiful face and is dressed in a tight pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt. She leans on the counter.  
“Hey, Jared.”  
“Hey, Gen. What can I get ya?”  
She chews her lip. “A coke and rum for me and a soda for my friend.”  
I raise my eyebrows. “Friend?”  
She nods, laughing lightly. “Yeah, an old friend of mine from Dallas is here to visit. He doesn’t drink. At all.”  
I nod. Dallas. Jen’s home before everything happened with Mack. I shake the memories and grab Gen her drinks, handing them to her with a smirk. She blows me a kiss.  
“Thanks, Jared. I’ll come talk to you later, yeah?”  
I nod, already focusing on a new customer. The night wears on and the music changes from classic rock to slow songs. Let It Be by the Beatles starts playing and Alona, having a spare moment, forces me to dance with her behind the counter. I’m busy twirling her when a cough startles us from our playfulness. I turn around to apologize, but freeze when I see the person gawking at me.  
“Jensen?” I gasp, stunned.  
Alona lets out a surprised choke. Her hands leave my arms and I briefly hear her saying that she was going to serve someone, but my eyes are to focused on Jensen. He is just as beautiful as he was all those years ago. His hair is slightly longer and he has a few more crinkles by his eyes, but other than that he looks the same, even down to the same darn t-shirt he always wore. I clear my throat, suddenly aware that Jensen is staring at me with an expression just as stunned and confused as my own emotions.  
“Jared,” he chokes out, his voice slightly higher than normal. He clears his throat. “What – I mean – do you live here?”  
I nod slowly, scratching the back of my neck. “Umm, yeah. Have done for 4 years. Why are you here?” Then I wince when I realize how harsh my words sound.  
Jensen gulps. “Umm, my friend, Genevieve, from back in Dallas. She- “  
“You know Gen?” I splutter. Then I remember what she said about her friend not drinking. “You’re the refuses-to-drink-alcohol friend?”  
Jensen blushes. “Umm, yeah. I haven’t touched a bottle in 3 years.”  
I stare at him, unsure what to say or do. Jensen is here. The man I have craved to see and touch for 4 years. I have spent countless hours wondering if I made the right decision in leaving. But I knew he wouldn’t get better if I stayed. It looks like I made the right choice. Jensen coughs.  
“Umm, so have have you been?” he asks timidly, sitting down on a bar stool.  
Automatically I set to work grabbing him his favorite soda and placing it in front of him. Jensen stares at it. I blush.  
“Oh, uh, did you want something else?”  
He shakes his head. “No, I…” he clears his throat. “Thanks.”  
I nod. “So, yeah, I’ve just been here. Working. The bars great. Good pay and it’s fun, you know? Alona, the blonde over there,” I say, gesturing, “helped me out a lot when I first arrived. Gen is also a great friend. I met her down at the animal rescue center when I adopted my babies. Harley and Sadie. They are beautiful, Jen.” I say excitedly. “Gosh, you’d love them. They’re real rascals at times but they’re good dogs. Amazing friends. Umm, what else? Oh, I went to Disneyland with Alona a couple years ago! That was brilliant and I also went to a music concert! And…” I trail off, sucking in a breath. I bite my lip. “Sorry. I should shut up.”  
Jensen smiles. “Na, it’s okay. I forgot how much I loved to hear you talk.”  
We both freeze at his words, our eyes locking. Just then, Gen appears, slipping an arm over Jensen’s shoulders. She smirks at me.  
“I see you’ve met Jensen.” She leans over, saying in a mock whisper, “He bats for your team. Just so you know.”  
Jensen and I blush scarlet. I cough. “I, uh, yeah, I know,” I stammer, looking at Jensen for help. He nods.  
“Jared and I used to date.”  
Gen freezes. Then her blank expression clears. ‘You’re the guy who helped him out of Hope Land?”  
I had told her a bit about my past, leaving out names and some of the more dramatic and secretive details. Jensen nods. We stand there awkwardly, neither of us sure what to say. Gen clears her throat. She casts her eyes on my drawn face and firmly purses her lips.  
“I’ll leave you two to talk.” She points her finger at Jensen. “You hurt him, I’ll kill you. Jared is one of the kindest people I have ever know and he deserves to smile.” With that she saunters away. I blush. Gen can be really protective, it’s just part of her nature. When I first moved here we dated for a month, until I realized that I was definitely gay and not bi. Unlike what is expected, our friendship didn’t turn awkward. It just made it stronger.  
“Sorry about her,” I say meekly. “She gets like that. She is just a bit… overprotective of me.”  
Jensen lets out a short chuckle. “Yeah. I’m glad you found someone to look out for you. I was worried. I-” he cuts himself off. “I was worried about where you would go and who you would meet and I… I’m so sorry, Jay.” His eyes are wide and earnest. “I’m so darn sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. You know that right? You were by far the best thing that ever happened to me.”  
I swallow hard. Oh gosh. I glance at the clock. Then I make up my mind.  
“Jensen, my shift ends in 10 minutes. We can talk then.”  
He opens his mouth as though to protest, then, seeming to decide against it, gives an unhappy nod. He turns and leaves, sitting back down at the table with Gen. Alona walks over to me and slips her arms around my waist. I turn to face her, placing my hands on her hips. She leans up and presses a quick kiss to my lips. Anyone else would find this weird and assume we were dating, but Alona is Alona and it’s how our friendship works. She presses her head to my chest and I lean my chin onto of her head.  
“You okay?” she asks gently.  
I sigh. “No. But I will be.”  
I can feel Jensen’s gaze burning into the base of my neck and when I tilt my head to sneak a glance at him, his beautiful green orbs meet mine. I swallow and shake myself away from Alona. We don’t say anything, just get back to working the bar. The 10 minutes’ fly by and as Alona and I hand over to the new staff, Jensen appears in front of me, his expression determined. I bite back my scowl. Yes, I am glad to see him. Yes, I have missed him. But he hurt me and I had just started moving on, I even have a date tomorrow. I pale. I have a date. With Misha Collins. Jensen’s hand on my arm jolts me from my daze.  
“Jay, can we go?” He looks desperate.  
I nod dumbly. “Yeah, yeah. We can go. My place?”  
He smiles. “Yeah, your place.”

*******************************************

Jensen’s Point of View

Jared’s flat is small, but homely. The small lounge is a slight mess, the cushions scattered in a heap on the floor, the comfy table covered in books. The kitchen counter is clean, except for the pile of recently washed dishes still on the drying rack. There are two shut doors, most likely leading into a bathroom and a bedroom. The walls are painted a pale blue colour, the floors wooden with a large rug just in front of the couch. Jared stands uncomfortably a few feet in front of me. He is even taller than the last time I saw him. His hair is longer and his shoulders and chest have broadened. He still has the collage boy look, but he is older. That much is clear. He’s grown up. He looks up at me from beneath his floppy bangs and I have to restrain myself from throwing myself into his arms and begging his forgiveness. When he left all those years ago, my life fell into a state of ruins. I drank away all my money. I lost my flat and had to move in with Chris. My friends were angry at me for chasing Jared away. They lost him too. When I moved in with Chris, he said that I had to get my act together or else I’d be on the streets. I didn’t believe him until I came home drunk and he forced me to spend the night locked out the apartment. After that, I checked myself into a rehab clinic for 3 months. I sorted out my life and got back on my feet. I managed to get my job at the bookshop back while taking a part time degree at the local collage. From there, I started to build my life back together piece by piece. I got a boyfriend, Tom Welling. We dated for 9 months, but I ended it. I was still to in love with Jay.  
“So,” Jared says, cutting into my thoughts, “do you want a drink or something?” He says this while patting the heads of his 2 dogs who are lapping at his feet. I hide a small smile at how adorable they all look.  
I nod. “Coffee- “  
“Black, no sugar,” he cuts in. “I know.”  
I stare at the floor as he makes the coffee. I wander over to the couch and sit down, feeling stiff and out of place. Sadie and Harley are on me in an instant and I affectionately stroke them. Jay was right. I do love them. Jared comes back and places the coffee mug in my hands. I mumble a thanks and take a sip of the hot liquid. Jared always did make the best coffee. We sit there for a few minutes, neither knowing how to start the conversation. So I dive right in.  
“I meant it. What I said at the bar. I’m sorry about everything. What I said…” I wince. “That was uncalled for and I didn’t mean it. I don’t think you’re crazy. I never have. And I am so glad I took you for lunch that day. Jared, I understand why you left. Heck, I get it. You did the right thing.” I turn the cup in my hands, allowing its warmth to wrap around me like a blanket of comfort. “The thing is, I miss you. I have missed you practically every second since you left. Before you became my boyfriend, you were my best friend. I need you in my life, Jared. And I don’t expect things to go back to how they were, but I would like to try.”  
Jared doesn’t say anything and I force myself to look up and meet his gaze. What I see shocks me. His expression is open and willing. He stares at me with those mystical eyes and I feel my heart rate pick up. He scoots closer to me on the couch and gently pries the cup from my hands and places it on the coffee table. I hold my breath, unsure what’s happening. Then Jared wraps his arms tightly around me, burying his face in my shoulder. I freeze, stunned by this change in events, before slipping my arms around him and letting my face rest in the crook of his neck. We sit there for a while, holding each other like I’ve longed to for years. Fire swells in the pit of my stomach but I push it away. Friends, not lovers, I remind myself, even though my heart is pounding with love for this man before me. After a few minutes, Jared pulls away, sniffing and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He flashes me a cheeky grin.  
“So what have you been up to, huh?” he asks.  
I grimace. But I know that I owe him the truth. I tell him about the rehab center and college degree. I stutter though and explanation of Tom. Jared doesn’t appear bothered by the fact that I dated and I feel mildly hurt by it. In turn, Jared tells me more about his life. He stands and grabs a couple books off of a shelf. He carries them over to us, sitting down slightly closer to me than before. He places the pile on the floor and picks up the first book. When he opens it, I can see that it’s a scrapbook. He smiles shyly at me.  
“I kinda found a new hobby.”  
I smile back, nudging his shoulder with mine. We look through the scrapbook. It has pictures of Jared, Alona and Gen. There are also a few of other people I don’t recognize. The photos are from Disneyland and days out. They all look so happy and while I envy the fact that I missed these moments, I feel eternally grateful to his new friends for making him so happy. He puts the book down and picks up the next one. The first page is a picture of all of us. Me, Jay, Danni, Sophia, Katie, Chris, Steve and Chad. We are all smiling and standing by the lake in the local park. We all have our arms around each other and are laughing. We turn the pages and there are more of our group. Then we open the last scrapbook. The first page is of Jared and I. We are lying in the snow, curled up together and grinning. It’s the day of our first kiss. I smile at the memory and out of the corner of my eye I can see a small grin on Jay’s face as well. The entire book is pictures of the two of us. There are photos from Christmas day and from the picnic we had in the spring. There are photo’s that our friends snuck of us when we were out. We look so happy and in love and it breaks my heart because I know it’s my fault that this ended. The last page is a simple picture. We are sitting against a tree, his head on my shoulder. His legs are outstretched, crossed at the ankles, while mine are pulled up near my chest, my arms crossed and leaning on them. We are both laughing at something Chad said, although you wouldn’t know that if you hadn’t been there. My head is tilted back as I laugh. Jared is look up at me from where his head is resting and the look in his eyes is so full of love that it feels almost intrusive to be looking at it. I feel tears prickles at my eyes and I clear my throat unevenly. I glance up and find Jared staring at me with a heated expression in his eyes.  
“I also meant it,” he begins, his voice rough. “What I said when I left.”  
I hold my breath. He said a lot when he left.  
“I told you I’d always love you, remember?”  
My heart stops and I find myself struggling to breath. He leans closer to me and I let out a small whimper. He smiles wickedly.  
“Did you miss me, Jen?”  
I nod weakly. “Gosh, yes.”  
He leans closer, his lips brushing mine. “Me too,” is all he says before pressing his mouth against mine in a harsh kiss. The kiss is unlike any we have shared before. It is hard and claiming, all the emotions of the past years seeping into it. Soon I am pushed down onto the couch and he is on top of me, peeling away our layers. It happens so quickly and then it’s over and we lie there, panting for breath as our naked bodies curl around each other and for the first time in 4 years I go to sleep with a smile on my face.

********************************************************

I yawn, rolling over and find myself unable to. Frowning, I peel my eyes open and find Jared, eyes closed, his arms around me. I freeze as the previous night’s events come back to me. What does this mean for us? Are we back together? I feel panic building. We should have talked, not ripped each other’s close of and made love on the couch. Jared nuzzles his head into my neck, pressing a kiss to the skin just below my collar bone.  
“Go back to sleep, Jen.”  
His voice is rough and oh so sexy. I blush severely at my thoughts. This is not happening. I love him. Gosh, I love him. But after everything, we need to talk. Heck, we need to have a fricken therapy session or something. The things I did in that drunken year are enough to make anyone hate me. The girls I slept with. The drugs I took. The nights I can barely remember. I shudder. Jared just buries himself tighter against me. I lie there on my back, staring at the ceiling until Jared opens his eyes again. He gently rubs his thumb over my stomach.  
“What’s on yout mind?”  
I swallow. “Don’t you think we rushed this? I mean, we haven’t seen each other in 4 years and here we are.”  
“Here we are,” he echoes, pushing himself up on his elbow in order to look at my face. He smiles cheekily. “Exactly where I have dreamed of being ever since I walked out your door.”  
I blush, unable to tear my eyes off of him. His face is so carefree and childlike that it makes my heart ache. The shy, mute boy is barely recognizable.  
“Jensen Ross Ackles, I am in love with you. And I know we have a lot to talk about and work through, but I won’t lose you again. I just won’t.”  
“You couldn’t if you tried,” I respond honestly, my voice open and raw.  
His pupils dilate and a possessive look flashes over his face. “Good,” he murmurs.  
The sound of his cell ringing pulls us from our daze. With a frustrated huff, he leans over me and plucks it from the coffee table.  
“Hello?”  
Whoever is on the other side of the line causes him to visibly pale. He clears his throat.  
“Uh, hey Misha… yeah, been a while.” Pause. “7?... Oh, no, I… listen, can we do another night… uh huh… I’ll call you later… sorry to- yeah… okay, bye.”  
He tosses the phone onto the floor, groaning. I raise an eyebrow, curious.  
“My sort-of-but-not-official-boyfriend,” he explains.  
My eyes widen. Jared has a boyfriend? Then what the heck am I doing lying naked with him? I start to get up but he places an arm over my waist, holding me firmly in place.  
“I went on one date with him. Tonight was going to be our second. We never confirmed a relationship so it’s not cheating. I’m meeting him tomorrow for coffee. I’ll call it off then, okay?”  
I nod slowly. Is this what he wants? To be back with me? “Are you sure?”  
He laughs, incredulous. “Am I sure? Am I..” he trials off, shaking his head. “I love you, you idiot!”  
Then he’s kissing me and before I know it we are making love on the couch. Again. 

*****************************************************

3 weeks later I am busy unpacking the last of my things. Jared and I talked and we decided that it would be best for both of us if I just moved in with him in his flat in Austin. The weeks that followed our reunion were chaotic. We put off talking for a week, simply enjoying being back in each other’s company. Gen and Alona came over and we spent a day eating take outs and watching series. As the girls left, Gen flashed us a grin and said, “I’m so glad you two sorted it out. Have you guys decided if you’re staying here or moving back to San Antonio?”  
That led to Jared and I sitting down that night and talking. I told him about that year and the things that I did. I told him about the rehab clinic and how much I wanted to end my own pathetic life. “It was the worst possible torture,” I had sobbed. “Being there and knowing that I had no one to go home too. No family.” Jared had replied, “I’m your family, now Jen.” He held me as I cried. For my momma. My dad. Josh. Mack. I cried for the years I had lost with the one person I love and for the things I did that I can never take back. I cried for the loss of innocence and for the unfair world that we live in. And Jared cried with me. The next morning, I drove back to San Antonio, told my friends that I was moving in with Jared and packed up my small collection of things. The other wanted to see Jared, of course, and so we all drove to Austin. We spent a week together, just like old times. Alona and Gen fir right in. Then the others left, promising to come visit as often as they can.  
And here I am, placing the last photo frame on the bedside table. I smile happily. I’m back where I belong. 

**********************************************

Months later

It is an unusably warm day in the beginning of March. The bees are buzzing and the children are running about, splashing in the cool water of Lady Bird lake. The sun is blazing, despite being 6pm and the sound of music echoes across the lake from where a 3-man band is busy playing. There is a slight breeze and the air brushes across my skin. I smile happily to myself. I can see Danni and Chris in the distance, sitting with their arms around each other. Chad is with them, waiting for the others. We had all agreed to meet here. Danni, Chad, Chris, Steve, Sophia, Sandy, Katie, Alona and Gen. All our friends. The people that mean the world to us. Jared is walking beside me, his hand in mine as we stroll along idly. He is humming under his breath and I nudge his side lightly, causing him to smile at me. I lean up and peck his lips, grinning.  
“I love this,” I breathe.  
“I love you,” he responds.  
We continue walking, noticing that the rest of the gang has arrived. When they see us, they smile, offering hugs. After the greetings are out of the way, we sit down on the picnic blankets, chatting about what we’ve been up to. A few beers later and Chad is busy telling an embarrassing story from my high school years.  
“And then he dropped it all over her!” He is snorting, laughing along with the rest of our friends as I blush at one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Getting caught having sex by your headmistress is one thing. But accidently dropping a used condom on her…  
Jared leans in, resting his head on my shoulder. I feel my grin widen. Gosh, what it is to be happy.  
Once the sun dips behind the horizon, we all stand, grabbing the lit Japanese lanterns. The other people still by the lake are doing the same. Slowly, people start letting them float into the sky, casting glistening shadows across the lake. The hundreds of lanterns light up the night sky in a beautiful haze of orange. I slowly let go of my own lantern.  
“It’s time to let go,” I whisper to myself. “Goodbye, momma. Goodbye, dad. Goodbye, Jeff.  
Goodbye, Mack.” I take a deep breath. “I forgive you. I forgive you.”  
Jared slips his hand in my left and Gen slips hers into my right. We all stand there, our hands linked as we let go of all the built up guilt and memories. It’s a fresh start. After a while, the crowd moves closer to the band and people start dancing together, their laughter echoing across the open space, their bodies illuminated from the glowing lanterns above us. We go over to join the crowd, dancing in a group before pairing off. Jared places his hands on my waist while I wrap my arms around his neck. We sway slightly to the soft music. I grin at him.  
“This is the song you were dancing to when I saw you at the bar.”  
Jared seems to listen, before smiling widely. “Let it Be by the Beatles.” He shakes his head. “It’s a good song.”  
I nod, resting my head on his chest and listening to his heart beat. We dance in silence for a while, the noise of the crowd and the music getting softer. The families with young children start to leave, lessening the hum of people. I pull back to look at him.  
“Hey, Jay, remember that quote I told you? The one about everything being okay in the end?”  
He nods. I smirk cheekily. “Guess I was right.”  
He laughs, placing a kiss on my lips. His eyes are shining brightly with such love and happiness. He shudders as I run my fingers lightly under his t-shirt.  
“This is forever, right?” he asks, eyes locked on mine.  
I nod firmly. “Forever.”  
“You promise?”  
I look into the face of the man I fell in love with, taking in his strong features and large eyes that I fell for the instant I saw him. I think about how we met and everything that we’ve been through with each other. He saved me and I saved him. I remember the first lunch date we went on and how excited he’d been to see a double decker bus. We have come so far from where we began and sometimes that makes me sad. That you can’t go back to the happy memories you have of a simpler time. But what we have is now. We have our friends and each other and a life time of happiness to look forward too. Sometimes you have to let go of the past, no matter how much you don’t want to, in order to have a future. The laughter of our friends fills my ears as they continue to dance around us, but I block everything out and focus solely on Jared. I look into his heated gaze and make my vow.  
“I promise. Forever.”  
But sometimes a quote is simply a quote and forever isn’t as long as people hope.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it, folks! I hope you enjoyed it and feedback is very welcome! Thank you so much for reading this!


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